My Inner Harbour - Making Friends: Where to Start

Making Friends: Where to Start

12 May 2025 1:44 PM | Jessica Schafer (Administrator)

The good news is there are lots of practical strategies out there for making friends! The bad news is that often we've overlooked the first step: our own inner work. Are we ready to make friends?

Making friends takes time, effort, risk and vulnerability. If we aren't prepared we run the risk of burning out, being disappointed and getting hurt.

Practicing self-compassion is the first step. Not everyone you reach out to will be interested in being friends. Not everyone you connect with will be the kind of friend you actually need. It's easy to turn these experiences into self-judgment. "I wonder what's wrong with me" or "I'm not fun enough". Self-compassion says: "I am both lovable and flawed and the people that can't accept and support all of me aren't for me."

Knowing your core values and what kind of friendship you're looking for makes a difference, too. When you know what qualities you value, it's easier to discern whether a new acquaintance is someone you'd like to build a friendship with or not. Knowing that right now you need an activity friend who wants to hike, swim and go to the gym with you, also helps narrow down where you'll look for friends and who you'll reach out to.

After that the practical strategies come into play! Google "how to make friends" and you'll find all kinds of awesome suggestions. With intentionality, patience and consistency these strategies really pay off!

Lastly, communication is critical. Let your new acquaintance know you had a great time chatting. Ask if an art class buddy wants to regularly get together to create together when the class ends. Be clear about what you're hoping for and then circle back to self-compassion if the response isn't what you wanted.

Want to chat further about the how to's of making friends? RSVP on our website for our Community Conversation: Friendship 101 on the 28th from 7:00-8:30pm!

My Inner Harbour
149 Wallace St, Nanaimo, BC
1-866-791-9454 or 236-312-7376
myinnerharbour (at) gmail.com

My Inner Harbour is committed to learning about and working toward reconciliation and decolonization. We acknowledge that our space is located on the traditional territory of the Coast Salish Peoples, specifically the Snuneymuxw First Nation.

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Making Friends: Where to Start