I started my seven days of writing a compassionate letter to self on Saturday and so far I'm already appreciating how much more aware I am of my internal dialogue and the tone it's taking. It's amazing how much self-judgment can slip through our minds without really even realizing it. It takes conscious effort to pause and think, "Hmm.... is that really how I want to be talking to myself about this?" 

With self-compassion I find I have more hope, more humour and more patience for the unexpected things that crop up every day. Without it, I feel slightly panicked, irritable and closed off. 

Both Kristen Neff, PhD, and Pooja Lakshmin, MD, have excellent resources on self-compassion and how to start practicing it. I would recommend a browse through self-compassion.org/practice and Chapter 6 in Real Self-Care titled "Real Self-Care Means Treating Yourself with Compassion: Permission to be Good Enough". 

In the spirit of prioritizing connection over information, see if you can bring the self-compassion conversation into your day-to-day relationships. Check in with your friends! Is their inner critic loud right now? How can we support each other in practicing self-kindness?

  

On Wednesday I shared a video by Kristen Neff about the benefits of writing a compassionate letter to yourself for seven days (or more!) in a row and invited you to join me in this practice for the first week of March. You can find the original video on Instagram on the @neffselfcompassion account! 

So if you're in, here are a few things I'm doing to follow through on my end:

1. Putting "write letter" in my calendar at specific times when I know I will be able to have 5-10 minutes of uninterrupted time. 

2. Choosing a specific place to write my letters and having what I need (notebook & pen) ready to go.

3. Not overthinking it or putting expectations on it. Maybe the letter will be 3 sentences long, maybe it'll be 3 pages! 

Not sure what to write? Pick a prompt! 

1. Think about a current challenge you're facing. Imagine it was your best friend facing the challenge. What would you want them to know right now? How you would like to encourage them? 

2. Think about a past event that comes back to bother you now and then. Write yourself a compassionate letter about that event. Maybe it's addressed to that younger version of you. 

3. If you're writing your letter in the evening, take a moment to think about the tone of your mental chatter through the day. How did you treat yourself through the day? Was there a moment you were impatient or unkind to yourself? Write about that moment from a compassionate stance. 

4. If you're writing your letter in the morning think about your day ahead and how you would like to move through the day. Write an encouraging letter to yourself about what's coming up. 

5. If you're finding yourself in a tough season emotionally, struggling with depression, anxiety, stress, etc, you could ask yourself what the depression needs to hear. Write to the depression or the anxiety or the stress with the kindness of a loving mentor and see what comes up.

In the monthly newsletter that went out this morning I reflected on how much "noise" there is around us all the time and how even when the information I'm receiving is good or helpful, it can feel incomplete. Maybe I love the parenting strategies I'm being offered in that video, but I've already scrolled on to something else and most likely forgotten about them next time they would have come in handy! 

Thinking this through further, I talked about how the missing ingredient for many of us is connection. We need other people in our lives to talk to about what we're learning or to practice new ways of being with. We can't take in and process information in isolation. We're wired to be interdependent. And the good news is, when we have connection we have so much more resilience and energy to face the challenges that inevitably come our way in life. 

Where do you feel most connected these days? Offline, in person connection. Maybe it's your rec soccer team, new mom's group or a service club you've joined. Maybe your family feels super supportive or you book club gets into the best conversations. Do you have a group or a space where you can go to participate in community? If you don't - where would you like to start? 

My hope is that My Inner Harbour can be one of the community spaces that invites you into connection. That we can grow into a community that facilitates real connection, real self-care. We'd love for you to join us in making that happen! 

Remember how easy it was, as a kid, to pick up markers or crayons and just draw whatever you wanted? Or how some glue and a scissors made all kinds of things possible? Remember how satisfying it was to finish that picture or show your parents the awesome pop-up card you made yourself? 

Creativity is deeply nourishing and meaningful to us as humans. Connecting with our intuition, allowing images and ideas to flow without too much thought, allowing colours and patterns to take us wherever they lead. Engaging our creativity is like eating a wonderfully satisfying meal. 

But making the space and time to allow ourselves to sink into that intuitive space can be challenging. If your table looks like mine, it's got 4 different board games, half-finished children's projects and a few empty snack bowls on it. Not ideal, for settling into a creative place. 

The Spirit Room is here for you to exercise your creative muscle as one method of taking care of yourself. If you haven't gotten a lot of creative time lately explore what calls to you! We're set up with materials for colouring, water colour and collage. There are scissors and glue and paper, so really the options are endless! 

Maybe you already have a steady creative habit like collaging or doodling and just need a calm, tidy space to work. We're here for you! 

Don't want to create alone? Savanna hosts "Craft & Conversation" every Monday night from 7-8pm. Join in! 

Last week we focussed on loving ourselves well. When we start giving ourselves kindness and compassion, it multiplies and we have more to share. So this week, I'm wondering what the most loving thing you can do for someone else is. 

I think sometimes it's easy to get sucked into the "grand gesture" mindset where showing our love has to big or expensive or obvious, when really it's often the seemingly small things that mean the most. You make a phone call because your partner hates phoning. You play Pokemon cards with your child even though it's not your favourite game. You take the time to really listen as your friend processes all the ups and downs of a new relationship. 

Showing love to others doesn't just have to involve people we know and already care about. We can show love through a warm smile or a genuine compliment at the grocery store. We can radiate empathy and kindness when we see another parent trying to weather a toddler meltdown. We can choose to give the benefit of the doubt in a frustrating situation and remind ourselves that everyone deserves grace. 

The important thing is to just start! What the next easy step you could take to show someone else some love?

Sometimes we just need to take time to think carefully. Our minds are incredibly powerful and learning how to work as a team with our thoughts can be a game changer. 

Here are a few ways to use the Mind Room! If you already have a journalling practice, this is a great space to sit down and make the time to pick up your pen. Journalling is an excellent, evidence-based tool for helping us process. 

If you're not into journaling, there are mental health worksheets that focus on self-compassion, values and helping us sort through mental clutter. And if you haven't had a chance to think about your core values, we have a values card sort to help you get started. 

We also have a great selection of memoir and self-help books on a variety of topics.

Come check it out!

It's February! The stores are full of hearts and candy and Valentine's is just around the corner. 

Whether you're a fan of Valentine's or not, love is something we all need. Loving ourselves well is one of the most healing and revolutionary things we can do living within systems that constantly question our worth. When we can treat ourselves with the same care, kindness and generousity we give to those we love, everything shifts. 

Our physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health are all tied up in our experience of both giving and receiving love. Some form of the "golden rule" is found across most cultures and spiritual frameworks and it essentially says, "Love yourself well so that you can love others well". You have to start with you. 

So what's the most loving thing you can do for yourself today? Maybe it's going to bed early, maybe it's toning down the self-criticism and giving yourself validation or a compliment, maybe it's prioritizing your own needs and not letting guilt get in the way of what nourishes you. Pause for a minute and listen. How do you want to be loved? 

Photo credit: @blackbirdbrandphotos

We are open from 10:30am-5:30pm today! 

  

The snow has been a bit of a welcome distraction from the news today, but I know many of us are feeling unsettled, among a host of other emotions. 

I was reminded, talking to a good friend this weekend, that the best thing we can do in uncertain circumstances is focus on the things we can control. 

We can control how we choose to care for ourselves and our communities. Here are some practical suggestions for ways to do that! Let’s use our collective grief, anger and unease to move us into kind and caring action.

Love and courage to you all.  

Good morning! 

We are closed today, February 3rd, due to snow. We will generally be following the school board's decisions, however they have pro-D days today and tomorrow, so we will be assessing for ourselves. 

We will post here and on social media to let you know whether we are open. Our main priority is the safety of staff and members. Thanks!